Here's to the many drops
Day 2 of my fast. Glad day one is over! Wow what a rough day I had tried to relax and have a bit of a day off and that did not happen. I had amazing quiet time in the morning and then had a conversation with a friend which had my mind spinning. We discussed how her family does not see the value or the ‘fruit’ in continuing to sponsor me while in North America. They wanted a detailed list of what I was ‘doing’ while here in America. This has led me to much turmoil but most importantly to sadness.
I have discussed in the past how through working with other Missionaries and through the grace of God I have realized that being a missionary is not about how many people get saved or what water holes we dig but about what God gets to do in MY heart. When I got that God loved me so much to call me to be in this place where he would work in me in a way where I THEN and continually through this ‘working’ would be able to minister to others I have been so humbled. I see how my role as “Missionary” is not ever going to be contingent upon being in a 3rd world nation or on the ‘work’ I do but that God has called me (and he calls you) to ‘be’ Missionaries EVERYDAY!
I have been able to rectify in my head that when on outreach in the bush in Africa it is NOT about the numbers who get saved it IS about the LOVE that I get to be through him in me. I had been a non-Christian for 28 years of my life and the first person that talked to me about Jesus did not win me but that night when the last drop in the bucket caused overflow I have never looked back and have been humbled with the way “GOD” perused me… not the way a missionary or my friends and family did but how GOD used others to assist in his pursuit.
This morning I had a donation in my inbox it was for $7 from a woman I do not know. She had read my blog had been a “missionary” for 25 years and wanted to encourage me. Well I tell you as much as I HATE that money can and does have this effect… I am encouraged today.
TO DO LIST:
- Keep my face on Jesus.
- Trust in his Sovereignty
- Live with the guidance of Holy Sprit and keep my conscience in tack.
- AND above all to LOVE like there is no tomorrow.
“Lord Jesus your grace humbles me. How much I know you love me and you desire me and how I know that you are Lord and above all I do not have to worry. I thank you, you chose me and you will continue to work in me and you will continue to use me. I wish to be obedient so please expose and takeout my sinful nature. God, please continue to prune me as I am just human and I fall short of your glory and I LOVE you so much… your will be done your way!”
Dear Justine, have followed your writings,and am not sure how to respond.We are all misionaries wherever we are, even if we don't know it at times and yes it is not about where you are and who you serve but about God loving you and you loving God back.As you know, I never preach the gospel, I just share God's love in action. Darrel Johnson explained it so beautifully in a sermon some time ago. The Holy Spirit is at work in the world and rather then interrupt Him we should just listen in on His conversations and only speak when He has invited us to join in the conversations.I also understand that we first have to learn to love ourselves as Jesus would have us love ourselves, only then can we begin to love others like ourselves. If we do not love ourselves we are rejecting God's workmanship and who are we to that????
God has said that what He creates is good, so then it is good!!!! Yes we are not perfect and people often do not understand us, but they can take that up with Jesus, we do not have to contend with it. The evil one would like no better than if we think less of ourselves even if God says otherwise. We do not have to believe the lies he wants to impart in us.At those times when we feel no joy, we must go find it, it is everywhere around us if we but use all of the senses God has given us. Just listen to the birds who sing for you, the flower that has a new shoot, a song that touches your heart, the fact you can have a bath, a cup of rooibos tea, all is God's gift just for you.We all struggle with depression at times, no one is excempt from these feelings, it is what we think and belief during those times. Think of how depressed Jesus must have beeen just before He was crucified. He can identify with it.Perhaps you could not call yourself a missionary, trying to justify what you are doing or why. Perhaps you could just be on a mission, a mission to love God as He loves you.Don't push yourself to hard. Think of God being the driver of a big bus. He askes you to hop on board and go for the ride. Perhaps the wildest ride in your life, but He is a safe driver, so no worry, just get on the bus and---- GO.
You will get to your destination-- and you do not need to prove yourself, Jesus will take it up for you Himself and you are safe in His arms of healing.
Now --- go--- and find JOY. Love Klara
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Justine, thanks for the post. I'm sad that you're sad. At the same time, I love your heart for God. I'm in awe of what God had done and continues to do in your life - what a transformation! I'm excited to see how the Lord will use your gifts and talents to glorify Him and bring good to others.
With that said, I have a few thoughts you may find helpful. As your friend, knowing you're sold out for Jesus, I would sponsor you as a "Missionary" for $7 per month without even blinking eye. As long as I knew you weren't out being a wild child (drinking, smoking and partying), I'd keep investing, month after month, because I know how much you've sacrificed, and continue to sacrifice to allow Jesus work in you and through you. I know $7/month doesn't seem like much but if that would "encourage" you, I'm all over it!
However, based on my current financial situation, if I was to consider committing to a donation of $100/month, I would have a higher standard for "fruits" than I would giving $7/month. As the scripture says, "To whom much is given, much is required." Being a missionary means you are ON MISSION to fulfill the objectives God has given you - those objectives are inextricably linked to "fruits" or "results". So, don't be surprised if potential donors ask you questions like, "What is your mission?" or "What impact will my donation be making?" or "In partnering with you, what are we accomplishing?" If you answer by saying... "Being a missionary is not about how many people get saved or what water holes we dig but about what God gets to do in MY heart", I'm not so sure you're going to attract many partners or donations.
People want to invest in a harvest, Christians and non-Christians alike. They want to know their investment is reaping a meaningful yield. They want to be part of something bigger than themselves. Just being a "missionary" sold out for God doesn't necessarily mean people are going to "GET" what you're up to and more importantly, how partnering with you as a donor will reap an abundant harvest for God's glory and others' good.
You're on the right path and you're showing yourself faithful. I know God will produce an abundant harvest through you because you are willing to surrender... even when it hurts. We're very of proud of you.
I hope you see this as a word of encouragement, fueling your fire for Jesus. Michaela and I are two of your biggest fans!
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Hey there, everyone...this is the first time I am commenting on a comment and I hope to find an internal way but am doing it through the site.
Klara, your words of encouragment are awesome and I even have a folder called Klara where I often go back and read some of the insightful things you have read. Bless you for your heart and your time to respond!
Doren,I felt it was important to share what was on my heart. I think what is most prevelant is that often when people come back from the 'international field' it is SUPER hard to express what God has done through what he has asked me to do. the sacrifices, the trials etc. etc. they are there but it is the heart change by what I 'see' that cannot be summed up in a list of where the money would be spent...I think in the past 6 weeks without others who 'understand'(and I don't say this to sound superiour or more holy or anything like that) I have grown hard to 'the West'. I think that God growing understanding and compassion for the West will be a place of weakness he can minister humilty to as I just kinda feel fed up and I know this is not loving nor is it what he has called me to. So I am not proud of that. It feels hard to sum up what God is doing in and through me in a list of what is getting 'done' so this is where I am saddened that either I have not learned this yet or that it is not about 'this'. So all in all thanks for your response and for your love and support...that as well as your prayers means more than $100 could ever mean! After all it is not about money it is about Jesus! Love you!
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Justine, you continue to be an amazing encouragment and conviction to the decisions I make in my life. My vision has truly changed since having you home... it is amazing how caught up and trapped we get in the North American culture with justifications on all the spending we do, the prioritization of our time, the values we hold and yet do not follow. I can only pray that the convictions I have received in the past 6 weeks are not excused away in the future. Amazing how we justify something as o.k. "because it is so small compared to what others are doing"... from justifying a $4 lattee since "that is so small" in the bigger financial picture - yet, how deprived we feel to give up these little luxuries... my how we have been blinded by the enemy.
You are teaching me through your faith what it truly means to believe as John speaks about through his Gospel, to believe, to truly believe in the security we have in nothing but Jesus... not in the amount of our retirement account, not in the amount of our income (which is a constant battle to increase... and for what, to buy the next home, the next vacation, the newer this, the better that... and we get no further ahead in being financially "free" - ultimately just further opressed to continue to cycle).
To whom much is given, much will be required as we face God, so we can hear those words... "well done, good and faithful servant"... if only we could place this at the center of all our decisions, if only we could have the view that we were created for eternity, not for this life. That we could make all decisions based on a perspective of eternity, not on how it will serve us today, or how this will help us today... because we were created for eternity, not for this life.
Trust in what you hear from God, NOT what you hear from man... lean on this amazing faith you have that is truly a testimony to all who read you heart and your vulnerability to share so openly. May your heart be well received by all those who read your words.
You are dearly loved and you are changing the lives of Arthur and I and making a lasting change in the development of Samuel.
May all oppression be lifted from you and may you continue to trust in Jesus.
We love you!!
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Justine, I woke up this morning with the $7 donated by the missionary to you in my mind... once again convicted on my life and where my resources go... for this woman, it was likely 5% or more of her monthly "gross income"... what would it look like today for us North American's to give a 5% faith offering (of gross income!!)to offer encouragement, to someone we do not even know!! Wow!! And not for the tax break, but from the heart of one who wants to serve Jesus... As Jesus said, it is not about the $$ amount, but about the heart behind the offering. Once again, I stand convicted through the experiences that you so openly share, thank you for being vulnerable, thank you for letting us "read" and be a part of "your" journey... and to know that it is only through the grace of Jesus that we even have the $$ to offer... how backwards we view things as "ours" when really, we are blessed, blessed beyond our own abilty to even comprehend.
You are on a battlefield that most of us (me included) simply cannot comprehend... for how many would even consider literally "selling" their lifes to accept a call like this on their lives... we usually dismiss the thought before we even realize God can do anything through us... looking at our abilities, our will, our resources... not the infinate love of God to guide us through...
Love Ya!!
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Hi Justine - What a blessing you have been to Mars Hill Olympia. I am a Christian of over 30 years and I have never known of a new believer that has plugged into service for our Lord so well and so quickly. You are truly a great example to all of us. In just a few short weeks you have ministered to your sister, completed the Doctrine Class needed for membership at Mars Hill, served at the Union Gosple Mission and I just learned today you are serving at a halfway house for trouble young ladies. You are certainly using your time wisely. We will miss you when you go back to Africa in January, but I know God will use you well and he will use all the biblical knowledge and experience you are storing away in your heart. It is like God is filling your gas tank for motoring ahead in ministry. Praise the Lord. Blessings In Christ, Mike O'Dea, Mars Hill Theology Response Team (ministry lead)
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